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Question for the ladies

Yahoo Message Number: 9419
After 3 years of part time travel my wife is loosing interest in RVing. We usully go on one week to 2 month long trips a few times a year. She seems to have a good time as long as I stay with her, hiking, biking,4-wheeling, etc. But if I want to go fishing she refuses to go with me and says she's bored staying at the RV. She's not a big shopper, although she spends alot . She likes to cook but say's the oven and stove are too small in the RV, not enough storage in the refer etc. I had her take photo classes while I had to be in some meetings, she will not take photo's. Bird watching dosn't seem to interest her. She's not a big reader. I ask her what she would like to do and she say's she dosn't know. So how about some ideas of what a wife can do while the husband fishes for a few days on each trip. We are in our mid 40's and good health. calvin

1999 intrigue 10811

Re: Question for the ladies

Reply #2 –
Yahoo Message Number: 9425
Well, there is needlepoint, kniting, quilting, etc., Buy a new Affinity 770lx with a 22 cu. ft. refer and get the custom department to install a true 24" four burner stainless LP stove with oven. Does she have satellite so she can watch the food channel? In our house hold, she goes to quilt and fabric stores, I chase trains and visit chocolate stores. We both take photos of the same things with totally different exciting results. We were both musicians when young and so love listening to music. She studied Ballet so we've taught each other different disciplins of music. etc. etc. hint, hint teach her to fish. I taught Carol how to use a slr camera, she already could see a subject. TOM/CAROL Intrigue 11731 2004

Re: Question for the ladies

Reply #3 –
Yahoo Message Number: 9432

Wow! I think this goes way beyond simple "hobbies." I think it is about human compatibility. My folks had the same problem years ago -- and never resolved it. My dad loved traveling, but my mom did not. He didn't like doing the things at home that she did. Mid 40's--maybe you two are just too young to be footloose and free most of the time??? Lots of folks at that stage are still "antsy" and want to make contributions to something (like work). Who knows? None of us know much about the two of you from your brief post. My wife and I just bought a new Magna and plan to retire in September. She's also a little "iffy" about too much time on the road, but, we are very compatible and like doing lots of different things together so I think we'll be OK. I think! I, personally, cannot imagine anyone not loving taking off in a luxury coach to see things all around this great country, and meeting all sorts of new folks in the traveling. I can't think of anything else I'd rather do. You ( and maybe I) will have to make a special effort to involve our wives in the trip planning and navigation. We'll have to stop lots and let them see and do things that they'll like. If you like fishing, get her to go along and try it also. If she's like my wife, she probably won't care much about the fishing, but may like hiking around where the fishing is going on, etc. The absolute worse thing we can do is to leave them alone in rigs while we go out and have fun. Thoughts of home, loneliness, narrow life, etc., start to creep into their heads. Total involvement in the traveling experience between the two is a must, in my opinion.

-----Original Message-----

From: gasman1989 [mailto:gasman1989@...] Sent: Wednesday, April 21, 2004 5:41 PM To: Country-Coach-Owners@yahoogroups.com Subject: [Country-Coach-Owners] Question for the ladies

Re: Question for the ladies

Reply #4 –
Yahoo Message Number: 9458
If I can put my 2 cents in...I'm on my 6 th marriage and before you say "yeah, I'm going to listen to THIS guy!", keep an open mind. If there's one thing I've learned, is that, Idle hands ARE the Devils workshop. You've been married, how long? And in that time she hasn't shown ANY interests? You said you signed her up for classes...YOU signed her up? Maybe you two have been so busy doing the things that interest you, she's forgotten what it's like to have a choice. My last marriage went that route, but she just said what I wanted to hear...until the ring was on. My present wife and I were good friends before we got involved, she has her interest and I have mine. We Mtn bike, ocean kayak and love to explore. Anything that she has shown interest in, I've backed her 200% and when she didn't think she could something, I told her that she could probably do it better then the example she was looking at.....and she could. Maybe, on the other hand, it isn't outside interest that she needs, but more involvment as a couple....maybe put some more attention into her and not give her something to do while I'm having fun.....IMHO TJ

Quote from: Glen Gieg
Wow! I think this goes way beyond simple "hobbies." I think it is
about human compatibility. My folks had the same problem years ago -- and never resolved it. My dad loved traveling, but my mom did not.
He didn't like doing the things at home that she did. Mid 40's-- maybe you two are just too young to be footloose and free most of the time??? Lots of folks at that stage are still "antsy" and want to make contributions to something (like work). Who knows? None of us know much about the two of you from your brief post. My wife and I just bought a new Magna and plan to retire in September. She's also a little "iffy" about too much time on the road, but, we are very compatible and like doing lots of different things together so I think we'll be OK. I think! I, personally, cannot imagine anyone not loving taking off in a luxury coach to see things all around this great country, and meeting all sorts of new folks in the traveling.
I can't think of anything else I'd rather do. You ( and maybe I) will have to make a special effort to involve our wives in the trip planning and navigation. We'll have to stop lots and let them see and do things that they'll like. If you like fishing, get her to go along and try it also. If she's like my wife, she probably won't care much about the fishing, but may like hiking around where the fishing is going on, etc. The absolute worse thing we can do is to leave them alone in rigs while we go out and have fun. Thoughts of home, loneliness, narrow life, etc., start to creep into their heads. Total involvement in the traveling experience between the two is a must, in my opinion.

Re: Question for the ladies

Reply #5 –
Yahoo Message Number: 9460
From: gasman1989 [mailto:gasman1989@...]
Quote
After 3 years of part time travel my wife is loosing interest in
RVing. (snip)

I know you're not full-timing, but the same point applies: I've met quite a few guys whose wives are unhappy full-timers. Why? The guys admit that they "talked" their wives into full-timing, rather than her coming to the same conclusion as him and going into it with a smile instead of a shrug.
Did your wife start RVing with a shrug instead of a smile?

Dick (& Geri) Campagna
'98 36' Intrigue #10571
Mfd: 11/97

Re: Question for the ladies

Reply #6 –
Yahoo Message Number: 9462
As for someone who is thinking about purchasing a CC sometime in late 2004 (a 2005 model), my wife and I already had this discussion. In fact, she was somewhat negative about RVing altogether. However, we kind of have a compromise --- Once or twice a year, we plan to put the RV in storage and hop on a plane for Hawaii or Europe (France, Italy, Spain ---- or other) for a month or two. Depending on your budget, this may work for some of you.

cheers,
Ben

At 02:16 PM 4/23/2004 +0000, TJ Adams wrote:

Re: Question for the ladies

Reply #7 –
Yahoo Message Number: 9512
It's important for each of you to be able to do things that you want to do while RVing, so perhaps she needs to make the choice as to where to travel to a bit more? She must have SOME interests! (If not, she won't be happy anywhere...) You should each have an equal say in what you want to see and do. We've put "sticky arrows" on the mapbook indicating places that each of us want to visit (green arrows equal golf courses...purple are genealogical places, etc...) We try to fit in both of our interests wherever we can when we're traveling.

However, one can't really dictate someone else's interests...that's purely up to them. I don't have a lot of patience with people who get bored...there's always something! We've both developed new interests since fulltiming 3 years ago. Chris has become quite a videoeditor and now has branched out to "redo" all our old home movies, etc. complete with sound effects, music, voiceovers, etc.
It's actually become more of a hobby than golf was when we began fulltiming! I've learned to quilt, so now sew in "free minutes", but I also love photography, so I do a LOT of that. Scrapbooking old family photos was supposed to be done while we travel, but that's "in the basement" for now. Researching the areas we're going to see takes LOTS of time, so I'm on the 'net as often as possible doing that.

Cooking? Of course it can be done in an RV...we've learned that one "complex recipe" at a time is plenty though! Try to find local markets to shop at for local ingredients (nearby mill is the current favorite for freshly milled flour!) In the end, some folks just are not cut out for this kind of lifestyle, but for those of us who are doing it, life is great! I've never learned so much! We're in VA now and on a Civil War kick...We Yanks in Rebel territory! Always something to learn! Jan McNeill

2001 Intrigue 11320

Re: Question for the ladies

Reply #8 –
Yahoo Message Number: 9516
I knew you could do a good reply - Although this is much milder than I expected. Emerson still thinks the only thing in the world is golf - - sooooooo

Kathy
 

Re: Question for the ladies

Reply #9 –
Yahoo Message Number: 9585
I think you got some really interesting, thoughtful answers and I notice there were only 2 from the ladies not counting mine. I like the comments some very thoughtful men made which says alot about the state of their marriages... bravo guys. You seem to get it.

It sounds like there are a few things going on here and I am not sure if this is the politically correct or too personal thing to say, but it sounds as if you have a very "dependant" wife on your hands. It is easy and common(been there done that- in other ways...) for this to happen, but I hope she recognizes that you are not responsible for her happiness 24 hours in a day. Even if she is not interested in fishing, she should be able to manage on her own for a little while and figure out what to do- if she is a grown woman for pete's sake.

I have often observed and experienced the natural mutual dependance thing that evolves in the relationship with many couples. It does not always become a problem, because we like our roles and "division of labor" until it becomes an issue for one of you- like the fishing thing. My uncle would not let my aunt learn to drive because as he said, "If she could drive, she would go places without me!" He was not a weird controller, but he liked doing things with her. He enjoyed the male role of being in charge and all that-- but also loved "taking care" of his family.

And to be fair, if you have "enjoyed" being the "man of the house" and in charge and not shared power and decision-making in the real sense, then you have probably contributed to the problem. It is an insidious problem that women often loose their confidence or sense of self without their husbands if they become totally dependant on their husband and have no other friends or interests. Not a good thing...

The other thing is that you might need to communicate with her more clearly by asking her more questions to get to the truth of the matter, whether you like the answer or not. I don't know how much involvement she has in planning the trip, where you go and what you do, but I would suggest you get her more deeply involved. ASK what she would like to do or where to go. Then have a serious discussion explaining how much you love to fish and see if you can reach a compromise so that she can figure out on her own what to do while you are fishing. I think that is a reasonable request. I would think she would be able to consider what it means to you and not make a fuss about a few days on her own. What can you do to make it work? ASK her- not us. My late husband and I did not have this particular problem, but I remember him telling me about the guys he worked with and how surprised they were when he told them he was going on a hiking trip or something like that without me and that I had no problem with it. ( We had some other problems as all couples do, but this was not one of them...)They were amazed, and I was really surprised because I also worked and had interests and did some things with others that did not impede on our togetherness. ( He did however get a bit peeved with me when I refused to go frogging with him... hated those bugs up my nose :-) )

Bottom line is you cannot be 100% responsible for her happiness.
But if she is really miserable you might have to have a serious discussion if the RV thing is going to cause some serious problems for your marriage. C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E AND REALLY L-I-S-T-E-N.

And if all else fails- buy her her very own fishing pole and tackle box w/ brass nameplate and some lessons with the local beefy hunk of a pro fisherman in the area! That might get her interested!! :-)

Anyhow, respectfully, that is my two cents worth. Good Luck!

I will send you my bill...